I thought I was on a roll so I started writing this a few days ago, but I tied myself in knots trying to be clever, so I’ll keep it short (unlike myself) and simple (like myself). It’s pretty sweet too.
With so much of my physical ability lost, after a couple of years it hit home that I was left with very little to impress – certainly not enough to operate at the sort of level I was used to. I started asking tough questions: why am I still here, what value do I add, why do I feel so utterly useless and worthless? I became depressed and however hard I searched, I could not see a way out. I felt ashamed – surely a Christion shouldn’t be depressed?
Out of that miserable position, God spoke more than once to show me that there is a place where I have authentic, genuine and eternal significance – in His presence. How I needed to hear that! We may not be able to do what we believe are significant things or utter significant words, but that does not take significance away from us – His presence is the only place to find it. Stop looking for it anywhere else, because it is not there!
I began to see how much of my life had been influenced by a deep desire for importance, achievement and recognition. I wanted to hold on to the status of Naval Officer and church leader, I relished people’s praise when I spoke or sang, I missed so much the opportunity for displaying my wit and intelligence. Without that I was hopeless and full of despair.
I had a wonderfully powerful picture given to me during this time by a true friend as he prayed for me. He told me he had seen me in a pit with people round the top reaching down to help me and try to pull me out. Then he saw that Jesus was in the pit with me, and the people started calling out ‘Jesus, help him, lift him up from there, come on, we’ll get him out.’ But Jesus answered with words that make me weep even as I type ‘I will stay with Iain. When he is able, we will come out of the pit together’.
God took the scales off my eyes, punched my heart and revealed the truth that my only significance is in Him. He thinks I am of infinite, immeasurable value.
Thank you Father.